Our Family: Lib and "A"

April 8, 2011 | ELIXHER 6

Our Family is a series that celebrates two-mommy families and delves into some of the challenges they face. The goal of the series is to depict same-sex parent families in a way that’s authentic and dispels myths associated with same-sex childrearing. Today we talk with Lib, 32, her wife “A”, 26, and their adorable 2-year-old daughter, “Little A”.*

ELIXHER: Tell us a bit about your family.
LIB: “A” and I were married (civil union’d) in July 2007 in New Jersey. “A” had “Little A” using an anonymous donor via a sperm bank. Actually, we were both trying to conceive at the same time, using the same donor (makes for interesting conversation when the FedEx man is delivering a large box that says “biological shipper” on the side). We did inseminations at home and “A” was lucky to get pregnant on the second try! As fate would have it, I have been determined to have unexplained infertility and have been trying off and on for the last 2 and half years to get pregnant. I’m in the midst of an in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle and we are praying that this works.

ELIXHER: How would you describe your partnership?
LIB: “A” and I balance each other. She’s very detail-oriented, the planner and organizer. I’m more the laid-back one. Even still, we help balance what doesn’t come easy to the other. Right now we are both teaching, “A” having switched from the finance and business world, me having taught for 10 years. We also are both in grad school, so to say our lives are hectic is an understatement.

ELIXHER: How long have you and “A” been together? And how/when did you know it was the “right” time to start a family?
LIB: Officially, we’ve been together for almost 5 years. We spent a year being friends and remained strictly platonic. During that time we became very close. We discussed everything under the sun, including our desires for marriage and family. When we both became single around the same time, it seemed like a natural progression to become engaged, then married and start our family. We joke that we don’t even know how the proposal happened (or who proposed to whom) because it was just understood and known. We were engaged for a year and soon after the marriage, we started researching all the ways to start a family. We knew the time was right when we found a donor and had a plan for conception. It took about a year. We knew we were ready for baby #2 because we both will finish grad school soon and don’t want to be in this area forever. Because NJ is mandated to cover IVF (which isn’t mandated in most states and can cost up to 20K a pop), we knew that we needed to capitalize on this time.

Read More

Our Family: Desiree and Vanessa

March 30, 2011 | ELIXHER 2

Our Family is a series that celebrates two-mommy families and delves into some of the challenges they face. The goal of the series is to depict same-sex parent families in a way that is authentic and dispels myths associated with same-sex childrearing. Desiree, a 33-year-old minister, gives us a glimpse of her family—her partner Vanessa, 34, and their daughters Shana and Grace, ages 11 and 6.*

ELIXHER: How do you define “family”?
DESIREE: A unit of people that love each other through thick and thin. A safe place.

ELIXHER: Tell us a bit about your family.
DESIREE: We are a family of four: my partner, our two girls and me. The 11-year-old is biologically my partner’s daughter from a previous marriage. The 6-year-old is mine biologically, also from a previous marriage. My partner Vanessa is beautiful, laid back, easy-going. She’s in the military. Me? Well, I’m the type A to the max type of person. I love to organize and get things done. I’ve been a minister for fifteen years and a Christian schoolteacher for ten. Our daughter Grace is very outgoing, free-spirited and sensitive. She loves to dance, sing, and be the center of attention. Shana loves to read and is very caring. She keeps her feelings to herself and can be moody at times. We live in Virginia.

ELIXHER: How long have you and your partner been together? And how did you know it was the “right” time to blend families?
DESIREE: We’ve been together for five years. Things didn’t quite start with the best timing for us at all. I was in the process of separating from my ex-husband and fell in love with Vanessa. She was and is my best friend. She had already been separated and then unfortunately became a widow before finalizing a divorce. If we were to do it again, we would definitely change the timing of everything but it is what it is and life goes on. Our love truly has been the glue and has helped us overcome obstacles that sometimes seem from hell. Read More