Many years ago, I found myself in the middle of a congested emergency room seeking treatment for an ongoing pain I had in my pelvic area. When it came to seeing a doctor, I had more excuses than I could count. As soon as the nurse handed me a cup for a urine sample, our exchange confirmed my worst fears.

“Ma’am we need to run a pregnancy test. Here’s a cup. Just put it on the table when you are done.”

“Umm, Miss, I don’t need to take a pregnancy test. As I stated before I am a lesbian and haven’t been with a man in over a decade.”

To which she responded, “Well I’ll just tell them you refused.” She snatched her cup and stormed out of the room. It was as if she completely discounted what I had just told her.

From that moment on my doctor’s visits became even more infrequent and on the rare occasions when I did go and had to reveal my sexual orientation, I was met with the same condescending tones. I have heard worse stories from lesbian couples who were refused care due to cited religious reasons to those who simply refused care due to feeling uncomfortable when it came to having a pap smear.

For my queer sisters who choose not to have care due to simply feeling uncomfortable, I can relate. I don’t enjoy being penetrated with a cold speculum. I cringe at the thought of having my breast fondled and I’m not particularly fond of divulging the most intimate details of my life to a medical professional who scowls at the fact that I sleep with women.

Fast-forward to the present.

There I am sitting in a waiting room awaiting my first visit to a primary care physician in a very long time. I was so nervous I almost puked right where I sat. But my apprehension quickly fell away when I was greeted by one friendly face after another. I was completely calm when my doctor smiled when I told her that I wanted to conceive a child with my partner but we needed to know that I was able to first. She practically giggled with excitement and told me how great it would be for me and my partner to have a baby.

Could it be true? Had I finally found a doctor who actually cared about my health and not who I slept with?

She then told me that she would refer me to a specialist who was gay-friendly and if I had any problems to let her know so she could blacklist them. I was floored.

My experience showed me that times have changed and that we, as a same-gender loving community, have allies everywhere. If I can find a queer friendly physician, so can you.

The fact of the matter is that every day our sisters are gambling with our lives because we fear persecution by the medical community. Studies suggest that lesbian and bisexual women get less routine care than other women, including breast and cervical cancer screening, putting them at higher risk. Our trans sisters fare far worse. According to Injustice at Every Turn, thirty-four percent (34%) of Black transgender people reported having postponed care when sick or injured due to fear of discrimination. Twenty-one percent (21%) reported being refused medical care due to bias.

My beautiful, beautiful womyn, I would rather you seek help now before it is too late.

Here are a few steps to finding your physician gem:

• Ask questions. There are plenty of sites on the web that rate doctors; look into the doctor you are considering. Talk to your friends and see which physicians they use. Visit gay and lesbian centers in your community to find out if they have listings for those physicians who are more than happy to care for us.
• Report your experiences. Lists of “family” friendly doctors can’t be compiled if we stay silent about those who treated us unkindly or warmly.
• Change doctors. We work too hard and pay high costs in insurance to stay with someone who mistreats us.
• Tell the truth upfront. When you call around to make appointments, find a way to include your sexual orientation or gender identity in the conversation and see the result. What can they do to you through the phone? Not much my darlings.
• Shop around. You are not obligated to stay with the first doctor you come across. Take your time in finding a physician and look at more than one.
• Speak up. We fight for our rights everyday but why do we find it so hard to fight in a physician’s office? If you have been treated unjustly, call them on it right then and there. One person can make all the difference.

These are just a few tips that have helped me. If you have other ideas or suggestions of things that helped you, please share.

If you are hurting, then something is wrong. The longer you wait to be seen, the worse your condition could get. Listen to your body; it knows you and you know it like no other. Stay healthy my loves…

- Spoken Pandora

Spoken Pandora considers herself a gypsy that has traveled worlds through the literature she writes. Currently she resides in North Carolina with her daughter and partner. When she is not writing, she publicly speaks at LGBTQ events on sexual related topics. Her work can be found on her website TheEroticDen.com.

Category: Feature