• ELIXHER
• On September 14, 2011

If you ask people (straight or gay) to define “lesbian sex,” you’ll likely be left with varying answers or the big question mark you started with. (The answer is not in “lesbian” porn.) You have to wonder why the average person is so puzzled when it comes to girl-on-girl intimacy, especially when there’s no confusion about what constitutes gay male sex or straight sex.

Well, here’s a hunch: Both definitions revolve around the penis. For some odd reason people can’t seem to fathom sex without one (ahem, patriarchal heteronormative standards that devalue and discredit female sexuality). It’s an interesting paradox considering only 20 percent of women are able to orgasm with penile penetration alone. The reality is that the penis does not equal sex. Sorry, male ego. On the contrary, it is just one of the many hot, steamy ways two (or more) committed or uncommitted people can please one another.

So now that we’ve established what lesbian sex is not, let’s take a look at what lesbian sex is. As mentioned earlier, the answer to the question “what is lesbian sex” really depends on who you’re asking. And chances are, all of them are right. For you visual learners, take a look at Autostraddle’s “Is It Sex” flowchart. The gist? If it feels sexy, their clothes are off, someone had an orgasm or they’re trying to, and someone is touching someone else’s nether regions with their nether regions, their mouth, their hand, or a sex toy, they’re probably having sex.

Don’t buy? You really don’t have to. Whether you personally accept it or not, women can, and do fulfill each other, and they don’t need an appendage between their legs, or even toys, to be able to do so.

Speaking of toys, not all lesbians own or use strap-ons. And those who do use a strap-on don’t “need” or “want the real thing” since using a strap-on does not feel like having sex with a man. It just feels good (for some women). At the end of the day, it’s not about the strap-on. It’s the feeling of penetration while looking at a beautiful woman on top of you. Strap-ons are just tools, props if you will, for penetration; they are not men or penises. What is attached to the prop is much more important than the prop itself.

On the other hand, regardless of who you enjoy sexy time with, sexually transmitted infections feel pretty much the same. While women who sleep exclusively with women are typically at lower risk for sexually transmitted infections than their straight and bisexual counterparts, some infections are still common. Some simple yet important precautions include getting tested, cleaning sex toys before sharing, or using a new condom on toys for each partner, washing your hands, using dental dams and communicating.

Get it? Got it? Good! Now happy, healthy lady lovin’!