• ELIXHER
• On August 13, 2013

Just last week, ESSENCE.com featured yet another same-sex couple in its “Bridal Bliss” column. Serendipitously, the spotlight ran the same day Aisha and Danielle Moodie-Mills, the very first lesbian duo to have their nuptials highlighted, celebrated their three-year wedding anniversary. ELIXHER caught up with the power couple who reveal the secret to their blissful marriage (and some never before seen photos from their special day).

ELIXHER: How do you keep the romance and intimacy alive after 3 years of marriage and ten years of being together?
AISHA: Wow, that does sound like a long time doesn’t it? Funny it doesn’t feel like almost a decade—we haven’t hit a major slump in our intimacy. With that said we are very intentional about nurturing our romantic partnership, which is extremely important for us given that we are also business partners. We very much believe that love is a journey not a destination and bask in our continued “growth” as a couple and concentrate on how our love and intimacy is evolving over time rather than trying to repeat the past. Like most delicious things—cheese, wine, etc. love and intimacy does truly does ripen with time—when it’s cared for.

ELIXHER: What has been the biggest challenge you’ve had to face as a couple?
DANIELLE: We each had a lot of professional growing pains and that put a bit of stress on our relationship. Success was a bit like a seesaw for a few years where one person would be up and feel great while the other was stuck on the ground. It took a while to get both pairs of feet off of the ground. During those times communication was key.

ELIXHER: What was the key to overcoming this hurdle?
DANIELLE: Communication! We had to learn how to be happy for the each other while managing our own professional growth. What I’ve learned is that if you allow your partner to be on your team then you truly can get through everything and the growing pains don’t feel so painful.

ELIXHER: What’s one piece of advice you’d give to couples (something most people are afraid or embarrassed to admit is important)?
AISHA: Let your heart speak: Letting go of control and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. As black women we are constantly in control—heads of household, raising our children etc. It’s difficult for us to allow others in at times and really be vulnerable and allow someone to take care of us—love, nurture and support us. The fear of “leaning on” someone and them not being there is petrifying. However, vulnerability is the key to intimacy. What you don’t realize is that “protecting yourself” and trying to “block yourself” from disappointment—blocks your blessings and your joy. So, to really enjoy love and allow it to enter you have to take down your walls that you justify as self-protection. When you do you’ll be surprised at 1. The bounty of love you open yourself up to receive 2. Any pain you may feel is unmatched to the love you allow to enter.

ELIXHER: What are you looking forward to next the most? Why?
DANIELLE: Tomorrow. Every new day of our relationship brings us true joy. It sounds corny but we look forward to waking up each day—because seeing her face is what sets the tone of my day. Building our legacy is also next. What I love about our relationship is our desire to dream big—Aisha even wrote that in her vows. We have plans to grow our business, threeLOL Strategies, teaching others how to hone their voice and advocate at all levels of government and through the media for progressive policies. Another part of that legacy is starting a family. We can’t wait to have babies and share the life and the love we are building!

Editor’s Note: Aisha and Danielle write ELIXHER Magazine’s “10 Things That Have Us Talking” column. Check it out in our summer issue here.

- Interview by Kimberley McLeod

Kimberley McLeod is a DC-based media strategist. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of ELIXHER.