• ELIXHER
• On May 16, 2013

In a recent interview for Advocate, R&B singer Monifah spoke candidly about her struggle with drug addiction, facilitating HIV awareness, drama on TV One’s R&B Divas set, the effects that being an out Black lesbian would have had on her career during the pre-social media ’90s, and reconnecting with her 22-year-old daughter, Akemi. The exchange yielded a personal and revealing look into the artist’s history, including the passing of her gay older brother and how the loss was an influential factor in her bout with drug abuse. Monifah confirms her long standing attraction to women, stating simply that she had her first girlfriend in her early 20s and that “it just was what it was.”

At one point in the interview, the artist was asked to recount her first same-sex relationship. Within Monifah’s response, the star stated:

…I had a bad relationship with this older guy who was real controlling. After that I thought, I”m going to the girl’s club, I’m going to meet a woman, I’m going to date a woman. I’m going to find a woman. I just made a conscious decision.

… It wasn’t like I hated men or anything. I just thought I’m going to give that a break, because I’ve never experienced a relationship with a woman, and I was curious. I thought it would be a good way to give the guys a break. I was going to live my life, I was just going to be me.

This response brings the timeless question of choice back to the forefront, a torrid topic of unrest between the queer community and those whom otherwise identify. It is a common belief of the cis-hetero right-winged populus that being gay is an individual decison that is consciously made by those who identify as such. Generally speaking, the queer community is not a fan of this opinion, in fact, it has been the the catalyst for many a conference, march, and revolt that span years of struggle.

In light of the recent spurt of coming out stories ranging from the recording studio (i.e., Frank Ocean) to the basketball courts (i.e. Brittney Griner), those of opposing opinion have hinted at “queer” becoming the new cool, and being nothing more than a marketing mechanism to gain a larger fanbase. There have been arguments that the timing of said declarations are far too conveinent to be sincere. Why did these stars wait so long to announce their sexual orientation? What were they waiting for? Why now? To which, many retort, “It’s none of your damn business.”

Within the hetero-, homo-, and non-indentifying communities there are those who embrace the fluidity of attraction, concluding that there are no confines to sexuality. It is not only acceptable but expectant of human nature for an individual to be attracted to one entity today and another tomorrow, regardless of their gender. We’re talking that old-school “free love” mentality that reached its penacle in the 70s. Yet this opinion, too, faces contention.

It goes without saying that LGBTQI masses have had to fight, both verbally and physically, to gain respect within the ruling society. When an individual moves freely between genders, those who have endured the hardships of pure queer existence can understandably become infuriated. What one party would call fluidity, another would call inconsistency; biphobia has long been an underlying trait within the lesbian/gay community due to the utilization of said “freedom.”

Hell, one could even contest that Monifah just used a poor sequence of words.

The topic is one of mass interest and boundless opinion, therefore we open the floor to the ELIXHER community. What do you think about Monifah’s “conscious decision” to explore her curiousity for women? Will it fuel a more fluid understanding of human sexuality or does it only validate anti-gay sentiment?

- Tie’sha Sadie

Tie’sha Sadie is a Brooklyn-bred femme-sin-sation with a pension for radical expression and queer youth empowerment. She is a multi-disciplinary creative simultaneously questing to redefine the parameters of conscious sexuality, facilitate the evolution of brown community, and drop kick all -ism based ignorance. Tie’sha is a contributing editor at ELIXHER. Oh, she can also be found ranting and raving a little over at Sugarfree:ology.